dear roody 1/30

dear roody-

shit. fuck. damn it.

this month is here. a year is almost up.

this year has sucked without you. that’s all i got. i have a lot of shit, fucks, and damn its to describe this year. it’s all been about learning to live with the largest void i’ve ever experienced. it’s all been about trying to learn who i am without you. it’s all been about doing everything i can to remember to breathe.

you’re my everything. the greatest joy, the deepest sorrow.

so, bro, in order to not spend this whole month crying and being bitter, i am going to share my top 30 favorite memories of you. i am going to share some embarrassing and awful things you’ve done and i am going to love every ounce of it. i’m going to tell you everyday how much it sucks not having you but how grateful i am that you made for 26 of the best years of my life. and yes, just wait, the picture is coming up. the picture. and, there’s nothing you can do about it.

let’s begin.

1/30

this picture is a little deceiving. don’t get me wrong, i loved you. i loved that mom and dad made you happen…but there were years i hated you.

i didn’t realize in that moment, holding your cute little body, the pain and agony you would bring me.

you would follow me everywhere. you loved everything i loved. it drove me nuts. it really drove me nuts. even when i pretended to love pink you had to love pink. you hated pink….you know it. gdi, why can’t i like something without you loving it.

what drove me the most nuts was that you were funny as shit growing up. you made everyone…i mean everyone laugh. you made everyone happy. you were the one who drew attention and it made me so mad.

from the day mom and dad brought you home you were always there. you were always present. everywhere i went you had to go too. everything i did you had to do and do it better and have more friends while doing it…god that pisses me off the most. swimming, wrestling, art, coffee, sunday school songs and their hand motions, bible camp, dance, all things g-o-d, fishing, baking, becoming a reverend. why the hell did you have to go online and copy me in becoming a reverend, and doing it without a shit ton of student loans. i couldn’t get away from you and i hated you for it. i couldn’t do anything without you doing it better. ugh.

but, i secretly love it. i loved having a mini me until you got bigger than me and made me your little sister. i love the fact that you made yourself like the things i liked. i love that we were so much alike (besides your love of pickles you sick mf). i love that all this shit made for 26 of the best years. you stupid fool. gdi, i miss you.